This NY Times article reviews a new book and TED talk that addresses the psychology of keeping sex alive in a marriage.
“Perhaps not since Dr. Ruth commandeered American airwaves in the 1980s has there been a public figure with so much of an audience for her work on human sexuality. But if Dr. Ruth was trying to talk explicitly about the mechanics of sex in a pre-Lewinsky, relatively tame media environment, Ms. Perel has captured attention in the era of the oversexed. Instead of offering more explicitness, she writes and talks about the aspects of sexuality that can’t be captured on a screen, the hidden, psychological states that do or do not set the mechanics in motion.
“Blatantness doesn’t inspire you these days,” said Ms. Perel, drinking French press coffee in the kitchen of her downtown Manhattan apartment not long ago. She was wearing huge sparkling hoop earrings and a tank top. “But to talk about mystery is immensely inspiring.” Embracing the mysteries of desire means she is also not on the hook for offering prescriptive answers to reviving a sex life that’s flatlined. “Americans fundamentally believe there is not a problem that does not have a solution — it’s the Nike approach: Just do it. But try to apply that to eroticism?” she asked, then shook her head. “I don’t have answers, as in ‘This is what you do.’ I do say, ‘This how I think it works.’ ”